It was 1996 and I was a college student. Everyday I would stand at the bus stop at some unforgiving time, half asleep. Rarely did I look anything other than tired. The sun would creep along the road, never quite reaching my bus stop.
I remember the first time I saw him. I was leaning against the old battered bus post. Half dreaming, half alert for the bus. He must have thought I was looking at him because as he rode past on his bike, he smiled at me. The smile soon became a daily occurrence.
He always had a slightly tired, ive just about managed to pull myself out of bed look. His light denim jacket and jeans, contrasted against his slightly tanned skin. He became my morning ray of sun shine.
Until finally, I saw him, walking through town on a sunday evening. His face lit up as our eyes met. He crossed the road, a smile spreading rapidly across his. He was gorgeous. Tall, slim, tanned he had it all, and when he spoke to me, it was like his eyes were searching my soul.
We agreed to meet up the following night. His flat was unfinished, he was mid decorating. I sat high on the step-ladder, hoping that from this angle I would be able to catch a glimpse of the sea from his living room window. His eyes followed me around the room. He kept a distance, as if something was holding you back.
It had been almost a year since we have had first seen each other. Here in his living room I nervously fiddled with my hair.
Sitting on the top rung of the step-ladder, I looked across the room at him.
“Whats the matter?” I asked him.
This is where my first ever fairy tale love story changed forever. He walked across the room to me, his jeans hung low around his hips, the white T-shirt softly clinging against his chest. He placed his hands onto my cheeks and softly kissed me on the lips.
“I,my,girlfriend is ill at the moment. Well she is actually my ex girlfriend, but, she is ill at the moment. I can’t do this, not yet”
I could actually see the sadness in his eyes.
He offered to walk me home. which I agreed to, seemed only fair. walking along, we talked about what our dreams were for life.
Standing at my gate, he leant forward and kissed me once more. Then we said goodbye.
Over the years I have seen him many times. The first few times, was when I was young, more often than not, one of us was in a relationship.
Now 15 years later, he still gives me that beautiful smile, when I see him in the street. He always crosses the road to greet me, and always by name. I will never know, if something different could have been. But I will always remember him as my fairy tale love story.
I never look. I know you are there, and for me that is enough. I don’t want to see. Watching you live a life without me, is crazy. So I never look. But, today, something inside of me pulled towards you. I tried to busy myself, to push the thoughts away.It was too late, I was consumed. I looked. My soul broke into a thousand pieces.
Such a beautiful image. Life, growing inside of life.