love

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Month: October, 2015

Page of Rods.

Oh my head is so full of words

that I cannot comphrehend,

for these feelings that I have

for my dearest, dearest freind.

If I cannot write of love,

I cannot write at all

I always knew I would,

but I never meant to fall.

But, you are so bloody different,

and yet so much the same.

I constantly am wondering

why it is that you came.

The Tarot cards say yes,

so I searched inside the ball,

The Angel cards say, dearest,

it’s time for you to fall.

But I did not trust myself

and I feared the unknown path

I simply wasn’t ready,

to remove the final scarf.

So we went so very silent

and I searched inside my soul.

I was looking for the answers

that I really had to know.

But the answers did not lay there;

for the path was still not walked,

until that day I found them,

when we finally stopped to talk.

And it was so bloody easy

and the words fell to the page

as you teased me into spilling

all that pent up loving rage.

And you know what?

It felt so very good

and all along I realised

that I should and really could.

And the path has slightly changed

as i’ve opened up that door

and I know it wont be easy

but i’m not afraid no more.

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The Lessons We Teach.

When I was young and growing up, and you were off running that pub.

When I was young and growing old, your heart I recall, was so very cold.

When I was young in days gone by the leather belt…because I cried!

When I was young and just a child you told the world I was the devil and wild.

When I was young and just a baby these are the memories that you gave me.

When I was young and just a kid, I had places where I hid.

When I was young, way back then I prayed to God to send a friend.

When I was young, when my heart was pure, You upped and walked right out that door.

When I was young and a broken mess you taught me, that love, was a weakness.

When I was young and growing up you wiped my tears the dirt and muck.

When I was young and growing old, you held me close to stop the cold.

When I was young in days gone by you told me always that it was okay to cry.

When I was young and just a child you taught me it was okay to rebel, okay to be wild.

When I was young and just a baby, these are the memories that you gave me.

When I was young and just a kid, you loved me, no matter what I did.

When I was young, way back then, you were the gift that God did send.

When I was young, when my heart was pure, I always feared, that you to, would walk out that door.

Dominoes fill my floor.

You laid down the first piece and

the air was sucked from my lungs

and I forgot how to breathe.

You put the second on the floor

and I truly believed

I could handle it all.

You put down the third the fourth and the fifth

and the thought of life

made me feel violently sick.

Still more appeared on the ground

my voice disappeared,

I was left with no sound

and so I learned the art

to tip toe round.

And they came and came,

the constant flow

of a morbid game.

The sun never passed through the shade

and images of the world

began to fade.

The moon never skipped on the floor,

and the dominoes filled the

room to the door.

I could move no more.

I could of knocked those pieces down

I could have wiped

away that frown

and stole away your kingly crown.

But I didn’t. I stood in the shade

out of sight, so afraid.

Look at me now, i’m the product you made.

I’ll give you this chance,

i’ll give two or maybe three

blinded by life to hazy to see.

And some tried to reach and

some tried to see

but nobody recognised, that this wasn’t me.

‘It’s life.’ they would say,

‘It’ll all be okay.’

I would sigh to myself on the bed where I lay.

So nobody heard the tears that fell

or the frustrated times when I would yell and yell,

but everyone heard the story he’d tell.

Till one day, I kicked down one piece

and I had no idea what

that truly means.

But, one fell then two

and the sun filled the room

and I finally saw the sky that was blue.

The warnings I gave

are now the path that I pave

fixed together with promises I made.

The dominoes fall one at a time,

sometimes scrambling in a perfect rhyme

but they fall silently as i tip toe the room

as I search for a glance at the eternal moon.

The first ones to fall were anger and hate

the ideologies of life that I so badly craved.

Then a pattern appeared

as I got near

so many of them were labeled

‘Her majesties fear.’

Fear of failure mistakes and shame

each of them marked with my lovely name

and suddenly I saw that this was a game.

I knocked down the pieces and blindly I won,

my room was now filled with the morning sun.

Forget, did he,

that i’m a player you see

no one ever wins, when they play against me.

Karen Hayward (Copyright) 2015.

Too Late?

Someone please tell me what it is to be loved

i’m tired of pretending to be really tough.

I need a hug.

Not a hug formed of pity,

or because I am pretty.

Not a hug to use time,

or because ‘you’ are mine.

I don’t want politeness

or niceness

or simply a grope.

I don’t want it fuelled

I don’t want It schooled.

I want to feel warm,

I want to feel safe,

but i’m starting to wonder if

i’ve left it too late.