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Month: November, 2015

If I strip away the basic need.

If I strip away the outer layer the easy  route of darkness where sin lays down its beaten soul and confidence preys upon the weak. If I take away the lust filled thoughts and x-rated images that have set up house inside my blacked out white noise Television set of private peep shows, do you know what would be left behind? If I disconnect the mind from the heart, cut away all ties and laugh as it breaks, do you know what I would lose? Love, the immaculate emotion that all dreamers chase, but no one seems to stop and look at what they lose in their haste. Without love I am an empty vessel tied to nothing and ties with everything. I am a warrior with battle scars to show and passion that flames through my hair and pierces you with eyes so deep and so disconnected from the world that you are lost in their darkness for eternity. Without love I am untouchable, I can walk with Satan and bathe in his tears. Without love I am the darkness, I am the darkness that never looks back I am the succubus, I will take your soul and I will laugh in the corner as you beg for a glimpse of a heart that has not lain there for so many years that I will wonder whether it was ever there to begin with. And if I strip away these layers. If I look beyond the aching throb of sexual tension, do you know what I will find? Weakness that succumbs to the beating heart that should lay slain upon the floor. Desire for a touch that feels more alien than existence itself. I will find a desire that will turn even Satan’s blood cold, a desire so deep that the dead will turn in their graves to know I am inflicted with this weakness. And I will stand alone as I walk the boulevard of broken dreams no broken heart just an empty chest no black and white memories of treasured times, just Polaroid shots of the devil in my eyes. And if by chance I strip away this dark and broken outer shell…do you know what you have placed their? A dreamers chase hidden deep inside my blacked out television and white noise shows of vivid pure and dirty white.


Karen Hayward (copyright 2015)


Never knew I needed.

Is that all it took. One song.

One song to bring me tumbling

back into your memories. Was it seconds?

Minutes? Hours at the very most,

before you picked up your

phone and remembered

I existed. I know you’re sorry,

but we cannot live in the past,

for that I will always be sorry.

I’m sorry I closed the door

and sorry you turned the lock.

I’m sorry we had such a brief time

and yet never sorry that you

entered my mind. I’m sorry

you couldn’t choose me this

time either, but i’m not sorry

I refuse to be a choice.

Your words hit like cupids

arrow a storm of love uncovered

in the dark, It wasn’t a declaration

or forgiveness wishes. It was

closure. It was permission to

let go of the past. Permission

to let go. It was mutual understanding

that our paths had changed and

that it was okay to carry on living,

loving, needing and wanting. I

promise to continue to light

up, even I cannot hear, even if

it means others can see me,

or love me. Thank you, for the closure

I had gained myself and never

knew I needed.

Karen Hayward (copyright 2015).


How I long to

shed this skin

of mortal fear,

that traps me

and holds me here.

Karen Hayward (Copyright) 2015.